Never grew up
by Christi shadowhunter
Summary: What happened to Max? While they fight his killer, Max watches. (Spoilers for TID later on)
1. Chapter 1

My name is Max Lightwood. I am- was- nine. I never received my first rune. I never had my first kiss. I never started training. I never attended a clave meeting. I never killed a demon.

My name is Max Lightwood. I never turned ten.

I can only watch now. Watch my older brother light my funeral pry from above. I can only watch my sister cry over a wooden soldier I always wanted to be. I watched my hero, Jace, stare at the celing, wondering if it really was worth it after all.

I want to be there for them. I want to comfort Izzy, tell Alec it was okay he was gay. I wanted to tell Jace he didn't have to be indestructible. I wanted to curl onto my moms arms, beg her not to give up on dad. But I can't.

Jace was here. I got to see his sad smile one more time. I got to tell him I was sorry, and then an angel came for him. It's harder saying goodbye the second time.

It harder when you're the one left behind.


	2. Chapter 2

Some people say death will be easier with time, because you'll make friends among the dead. I wish it worked that way, but it doesn't. Dead people don't really want to make friends with each other. We don't really have any interests, besides watching our mortal lives continue without us, waiting for people we knew to join us.

It's a sad life. Well, a sad unlife. Sometimes, if I focus real hard, I can imagine what my life would've been like.

When I get my first rune, for example. Alec and the rest of my family and friends are in the Silent City, forming a circle around me. Alec is smiling at me proudly, leaning on Magnus's shoulder. Clary and Jace are beaming, trying to hide a stack of Manga's they got me as a present.

Brother Zachariah comes forward, taking my hand. "Maxwell Lightwood, you have followed in the footsteps of your family well. You are now ready to begin training, and receive runes." He hold out a steele for me to choose from. I pick a solid silver one, just like Jace's.

Zachariah takes my hand in his. My dad wraps an arm around my mom in pride as the Stele cuts a eye into my hand.

It hurts, in my mind. Alec and Izzy said they hurt, but I wouldn't know. Brother Zachariah steps away, allowing my family to come closer. Jace grabs me, twirling my around like we did when I was alive.

I turn away from some of the other spirits floating nearby as tears begin to roll down my cheeks. Ghosts frown upon crying. The older ones scold us for it. But it was different for them. They weren't ten. They didn't have an entire life ahead of them.


	3. Chapter 3

Tears roll down my cheeks, some catching in the lens of my glasses. I take them off, rubbing them on the tee shirt I was wearing.

It wasn't my tee shirt. It was one of Jace's that he had outgrown. It had the pattern of piano keys across the bottom.

I would never hear his music again. The thought made me sob harder. Whenever I had a nightmare and couldn't sleep, I would walk into his room. The last time was the night before I died

"Jace?" I crept into his room, clutching the wooden soldier he had given me. He rolled over and sat up in his bed.

"Hey, Max,"Jace moved over on his bed, letting me sit on the side. "Nightmare?" I nodded viciously, my glasses bobbing up and down my face. Jace gave me a hug.

"J-Jace?" My voice trembled. I was worried he would scold me. Jace just gave me a smile. "Can you play me something?"

"'Course," Jace held my hand, walking me to the grand piano, sitting behind me on the bench. He played from memory until I fell asleep.

The memory made me shaky, my hand trembling. My glasses fell out of my hand, blurring my vision. I crept onto my hands and knees, brushing the ground as best I could.

A crunch of leaves told me someone was approaching. A blurry figure crouched over me, sliding my glasses onto my face. A boy, with black hair and bright blue eyes smiled at me. I knew him,

"Alec?" Fresh tears brimmed in my eyes. "Alec, what happened? Are you dead?" The boy placed his hand on my cheek.

"My name isn't Alec. I'm Will, and yes, I am dead."


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: i dont own TMI because if I did, max would still be alive. Sorry if Max seems OOC

"Will?" I tugged lightly on my glasses. "Yeah?"

"How do you know me?" Will laughed and ruffled my hair.

"Distant relation. I'm an ancestor of Jace." Will said it nonchalantly with a shrug. "I died of old age. But this is my better form, wouldn't you agree?"

"You look like my older brother." I wiped away remaining tears on my tee shirt, crawling to my feet. Will towered over me the way my dad did. He smiled, then picked me up, holding me so I could see him better.

"I know. I'm an ancestor of you guys too. My sister is, at least. She married a Lightworm." He caught my look of confusion and waved it away.

"Your sister?"

"We can meet her, if you feel like being pampered. She has an absolute sweet spot for little kids."

"Okay."

Will put me down, holding my hand as he led me through the eons of spirits. "If you're an ancestor of Jace and Alec, have you been watching them?" I resisted swinging my arms as we picked up the pace a little bit. Will smiled.

"I've watched all my ancestors. Stephen, Jace, James. Jace reminds me of myself when I was still alive." Will chuckled and I studied him.

"But you don't look anything alike." I tilted my head, catching a sigh as it shuddered through Will.

"There are other ways to be similar." Will slid his hand up to the collar of his white button down shirt. Everyone here wore white. He seemed to be tracing something on his shoulder. Will didn't explain, and mom had said it was rude to push for answers.

Will lead me to a small encampment that could've been miles from where we started out, though there was no way to tell for sure. Distance is different when you're dead. There were a few logs for sitting on, surrounding a pit of heavenly fire. It looked like pictures Izzy had shown me from Idris Summer camp. I never got to go there.

Seated around the fire where several people I didn't recognize and one I did. A girl who looked like Will, I figured she was his sister, a girl with brown hair, small for her age, two boys and a girl with a scar across her face. But my mind forgot about them when I saw him.

Henry Branwell. My hero. People had called him an idiot, and incapable of doing things right, but he invented the sensor. I wanted to be someone like him, rise above the underdog title I was given. Henry sees me staring and waved. I beamed back.

"Max, this is Cecily, Charlotte, Henry, Gabriel, Gideon, and Sophie." Will waved his hand to each of them.

"Hello!" Cecily grinned at me. "Another Lightwood, Gabriel! One of ours!"

Gabriel looked me over, smiling. "So he is," he spoke slowly, but not harshly. "How are you liking being dead?"

"He's DEAD Lightworm, and being dead is simply the best thing to ever happen to someone so young!" Will jumps in.

"It isn't glamour, then? You were really that young when you died? Oh, poor dear!" Charlotte looked at me sympathetically. "So much you never got to do!"

"I never got to tell Emma I liked her." I blurted out.


	5. Chapter 5

My cheeks burned bright. I can't believe I just said that. Emma Carstairs was exactly two years, three months and five days older than me. She had adorable eyes and hair.

"Oh, poor dear! Bloody unfair!" Sophie brushed a lock of hair behind her ears, picking me up and sitting me in her lap. I realized that all of them had distinct accents, British. "So you had a crush on this Emma?" Sophie asked me, rocking back and forth the way my mom did.

"Yes." My cheeks were spontaneously combusting.

"Oooooo," Will gave me a broad grin. "Did ya kiss her?" His voice was teasing. I shook my head, trying to disappear behind Sophie.

"Did you ever kiss a girl, Will?" I looked up, blinking innocently at him. Will coughed nervously.

"I...uh...well...yes." He admitted, scratching behind his ear. Cecily pushed him lightly.

"If you could talk to one person from your life, who would it be?" Charlotte asked. Henry looked up from a device he was creating from some sticks and a wire.

"I wanna talk to Jace again," I said after a moment of thought. "He needs to know everything is okay, that he shouldn't beat himself up."

"That one always did take things personally. He gets it from you, Will." Gideon ran a hand through Sophie's hair.

"I'd want to talk to Charlotte." Henry said absentmindedly, going back to his work.

"Dear, I'm right here." Charlotte nudged Henry playfully. Henry looked up suddenly, confused.

"Oh...well...I ummm," Henry blushed and Charlotte covered her mouth to hide a giggle. She leaned in and kissed Henry on the cheek.

"It's sweet, in a very messed up murdery kind of way." Will observed. "Come on, Max. Let's check in on your family."


	6. Chapter 6

We wandered to a somewhat clear and private spot to watch our families. We sat down on the ground and I pulled up fistfuls of dirt like I always did. The dirt ran down through my fingers, spilling back down to the ground.

Will and I let our minds wander to the earth below, an earth we would never touch again. I wandered over kids playing in the dirt, hugging dogs. I never got a dog, just a devil cat. I always told Alec when I was older, I was getting a saint Bernard, because they protected their owners.

There were humans everywhere. Shopping, playing, working. But none of them were the ones I was looking for. I focused harder and my family came into view. There was a battle. A large one, maybe even bigger than the one I died in.

I recognized many of the shadowhunters. Jace, Alec, and Izzy were there. Shadowhunters in red gear were advancing quickly.

Next to me, Will watched, horrified. This must be something serious. Bigger even than the mortal war. We were loosing, badly. I watched my siblings, fighting for their lives. The sound of clashing blades rang in my ears. I had never learned how to use a sword.

Jace closed his eyes, focusing. I squinted, unsure what he was doing. Then, orange tendrils of fire where ripped from his body, engulfing him and anything near. I screamed, running, as if I could reach earth and stop him. Will wrapped his arms around me, keeping me from running off.

I kicked and punched, fighting for no reason. Will covered my eyes, keeping me from seeing what was happening. I screamed again, sure my brother was dead. Will picked me up, carrying me away from the vision. I closed my eyes, trying to escape the truth. The memory played back in my mind, over and over.

The fire crackling. The bright light washing everything. I scrunched my eyes tighter, squirming away from the image.

Sorry for not updating! What would you guys like to know/happen to Max?


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter seven

There will be no happy ending. Eventually, everyone dies. Eventually, everyones happy ending is soiled. But I never had a chance. I never got even a sniff of a happy ending.

It's a reality that over time I have come to accept. Death isn't that different than life, but it is still a missed opportunity. I try not to be bitter about it. After all, you can't turn back time, can you?

Will told me I woke up screaming. I don't remember any of it but the cold weight of knowledge. Knowledge that I would be seeing my brother soon, walking beside Will or Gideon.

"Will, where is he?" I hiccuped, trying to hold back tears, certain I had cried enough already. I pressed my hands into my face, as if it would soften the news.

Will pulled my hands away, smiling at me reassuringly. "Max, Jace is okay. He lived."

"Really?" I glanced at Will skeptically.

"Really." Will said, offering me his hand. I took it and stood up wondering what was happening.

We walked in silence back to the campsite. Everyone seemed to be waiting for us. Cecily jumped up and wrapped me in a choking hug, like Izzy did. "Poor baby. We heard about what you saw." She squeezed me tighter and I shot Will a SOS look.

"Cecily, I think you're about to kill Max. Well, kill him again." Will pointed out. Cecily reluctantly dropped me and I took a deep breath.

"Will, something happened down below while you were gone," Charlotte steps forward. "Something bad."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter eight

Will stepped forward, his face grim. "Charlotte?"

Charlotte glances at me, like she doesn't want to say what she's about to say in front of me. "The Carstairs, Emma's parents..." Charlotte glances down as Will draws back at the name Carstairs.

"What about them?" Will's voice is low and heavy. I can feel my own heart take a dive off the deep end when I realize something must have happened to Emma or her parents.

Please let Emma be alive. Please.

"They're dead," Charlotte confirmed, "but not in the attack."

I tilt my head to the side. I knew of the attack on the Los Angeles institute. Emma's parents were presumed dead, even though the bodies hadn't been recovered at the time.

"They found the bodies. But...they have...they didn't..." Charlotte struggles for words. "It certainly wasn't at the hands of the endarkened." She waves her hand in a circle. "No one knows how they died."

"Wasn't someone watching them?" I pipe up. My voice stands out in the sea of European accents.

Charlotte shook her head, baffled. "I talked to their relatives, some people who would be keeping watch over them. They said it was as if the pair blinked out of existence. They couldn't be sensed anywhere."

Will's eyes widened. "No one saw anything? At all?"

"Nothing."

"Have you tried talking to the ghosts?" I asked. I felt a little out of place. Charlotte and Will where much older than me. They probably knew more than I did.

"They remember nothing that happened to them." Henry came to stand by Charlotte. "I just came back from talking to them. They have no memory of it."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter nine

I feel myself pale. What had the power to make someone forget the worst thing to ever happen to them? Could it effect more people?

"I can take you to them," Charlotte offered. "Maybe you can figure out something we can't."

Will looked at me, as if for permission. I nodded, a little too eagerly, and my glasses slipped down my nose.

Will chuckled. "We'll go," he said. "Max and I are on the case."

Charlotte led us along. I tried to keep track of where we where, but distance and directions are useless to the dead. There is some grass, a few dead (no pun intended) flowers. I counted three hills before I decided it was pointless.

We approached a rather large group of spirits. It was the most people I'd ever seen in one spot. Most of them seemed to be mudanes, but I could spot an occasional vampire or shadowhunter.

The crowd parted for Will when they spotted the runes that swirled along his arms. I followed Will as we neared the center of the crowd. Standing side by side, dazed and confused, where Emma's parents.

They looked, well, like death. Bruises and cuts ran over them, mixed with a few odd runes I'd never seen before.

"Will? What are those...?"

Will put his fingers to his lips.

"Mr and Mrs Carstairs?" He asked. The pair raised there heads and stared at Will, unfocused. "Can you tell me what happened to you?" He uses the same kind of voice Izzy talked to me with when I was younger.

"Waves. The ocean." Mr. Carstairs offered. Judging from the look on his face, even those words took great concentration.

"What about the runes? What can you tell me about them?"

"Light. Lots of light."

"Who did this to you?" Will tried asking a more direct question.

"Blood, fangs," Mr. Carstairs twitched and raised his hands to his head, shouting in pain. Will backed away.

"A memory block." He whispered to himself. "Downworlders did this."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter nine...I think

"How?" I whispered to Will. "How could downworlders have pulled this off?"

Will looked at me, a mix of confusion and a tamed nervousness playing across his face. "They've done it before, with Magnus and Clary, but on two full grown Shadowhunters?" Will shook his head. "I don't know."

"It would have to be a powerful warlock to pull that off, right? Or a Silent Brother?" My gaze fell back to the mysterious runes that circled the Blackthorns' arms. It was eerie, seeing runes like those. Creepy. I knew Clary had the ability to utilize runes from before our time, but these had a different feel. A cold evil.

"A Silent Brother, yeah." Will glanced back at Charlotte. The words seemed to choke him on their way out. "The runes though, Silent Brothers wouldn't use runes like these."

Charlotte ran a hand through her hair in exasperation. "I don't know William! These runes...nothing like them has ever been seen before. It's like...like they just...just..."

"Where made from thin air?" I suggested, tracing along the runes with my eyes.

"Yes." Charlotte conceded.

I couldn't stop staring at the runes. One in specific caught my eye. It had several loops and lines, complicated to draw. There was something familiar about it. I was sure I had seen it before.

I adjusted my glasses and squinted my eyes. I had seen it before, I know I have. Charlotte and Will were talking behind me, but I muted their voices out, focusing on the rune. I focused every ounce of my mind onto finding it.

A cave. That was it! The cave in the Demon Realm. I had seen it when Sebastian was transporting the Downworld representatives. It had been covered with runes. This one had been one of them.

"Will," I hissed, "Charlotte! I found something!" Neither of them turned. "Will!" A little louder. They were too engrossed in their conversation. "Hey, dead people!" I shouted. The entire crowd turned to face us. Will looked at me, somewhat horrified. "I found something." I said, pointing to the rune.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter ten?

"The rune. You said it was from Edom?" Gideon asked me, leaning forward with a deadly serious tone. Will, Charlotte and I had returned quickly after our talk with the Blackthorns. There was a lot to figure out, and only a few leads.

"Yes. I knew it from a cave. When I was watching," I confirmed. "The shadowhunters in the alternate dimension must have drawn it."

"That makes no sense. How could a rune from down there get up here?" Charlotte asked. Her hair had long come out of it's bun, framing her face. It made her look younger than she was, more like Will's age.

"It could be an alliance of some kind," Gabriel suggested, "a agreement between Sebastian and the Edom shadowhunters."

"But why would Sebastian need this rune? What does it do?" Cecily argued.

"Maybe it's not about the rune. Maybe it's just the fact there was an alliance." I suggested. "The rune was just some kind of information gained in the alliance."

"He's right," Will nodded, "we have no proof that the rune is the key to finding this out. We should focus on finding out how, or rather who, got it to our world."

Across from me, Sophie shuddered. "I had the most horrid thought." She chewed her lip, worried.

"What?" Will sat on the edge of his log. "What did you think?"

"Dear Angel, let's hope I'm wrong. If Sebastian was able to get to Edom from Earth, what if the Edomites are able to get here?"


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter... I don't know

There is dry grass, flaming trees, and war-scarred dirt. Edom has become a war zone. It wasn't that long since I had last seen it. Or at least, it hadn't seemed to be that long. But so much had changed.

Two edomites are surveying the battle field. "Sir?" A scrawny boy, 16 at most turned to the man in front of him.

"Alert the warriors left. We will have revenge. Each of their kind will feel the panic and fear they brought to us. The alliance with the vampires has been secured. We are ready." The man must have been a powerful commander. He certainly looked the part, rippling muscles under scarred skin.

"Yes, sir." The boy saluted, running off with a slight limp. The general stands, tossing his gaze across the land. He shifted his eyes to the sky.

"Game on, boys. My warriors are recovered and ready. Are the shadowhunters?"

I returned my line of vision to current scene. Will is staring at me, rimmed with worry.

"They're coming." I confirmed. "The vampires are coming with them."

"They won't be ready for another war." Will was pale. "We have to do something."

"We can't do anything. As you said, we're already dead."


End file.
